Good Morning

A dim awareness of hair in my mouth. A pillow squashed under my cheek. There is lamp-light but sleep makes even the light seem dark. An arm stretching across me, heavy, a hot face, too hot, at my chest. But the rest of me is cold and I want to move but I don't move. I know I need to talk something out with this person on top of me but now it is too late, we are sleeping. There is a sick fear in my belly because of what we have done. Naked to the air, my little patch of pubic hair tugs on sore, sensitive skin, glued there by dried... semen. It is scary and wrong wrong wrong and if I weren't on the pill I would maybe be at the clinic right now, trying to prevent disaster. But I am and anyway I can't move. I need to move though, to get out from this red sickness. I'll move in a minute. She is touching me way too much and I need to get her away. I'll roll aside and stand up. That is what I will do next. Anytime now, I'll do it. She's too heavy, too much. Anytime now.

...

I am tugging the blanket up to my neck. The room feels cool. I can hear a wind from outside, but it's warm under the blanket. My companion, my Geena, is next to me. She is warm and soft and my arms want to hug and hold her. I feel a twinge of wrongness about this, being here with her, but I know it's not wrong, that's just memory from some other time. I'm confused, yet relaxed. It doesn't seem to matter why my roommate and I are in bed together, although I think maybe it will later. I push my arm out across her, under the blanket, finding her upper back and following its contour. I see her dark hair, just a silhouette in the dark room, (who was it that shut the lamps off, I don't know, I don't care) and it's really nice--I'm in bed, but not alone, how lucky I am to be here. I'd like to cuddle into her. She's tall and she'll make me feel safe. I'm naked but somehow that is okay. The world seems warm and open and good as I slide into Geena. I feel a little kinky buzz of anxiety because she is a girl, or basically a girl anyway (I'll think about this later), and her nude legs are so smooth and soft against mine. I don't know what she is, but it is exciting not to know. This is an adventure and I am giving myself to it.